Breathe (Raspberries Rewrite)
The original intent of “Raspberries” was to write a non-erotic sex scene. While I think I achieved that, in large part it was due to shitty writing. It may have only been a couple months since I first wrote the scene, but I hope I’ve improved. Overuse of pronouns and run-on sentences are intentional.
Always inattentive, the headphones in his ears keep Rio from hearing her return. The slippery footsteps, the soft thud of the door, and then the nervous breaths all go unheeded. It’s the smell of raspberries that makes him turn around.
Love In War
“So, your sister cute?”
The soldier next to me has a vile leer with several missing teeth, like some troll out of a children’s book. The smell coming from him is atrocious. His breath alone makes me cringe as he speaks. For the past several hours, he’s plagued me with questions about my mother and sister, or about girls I’ve slept with. I keep ignoring him, but he just grins and keeps asking, his questions getting more and more personal. I hadn’t realized such people existed. Instead of listening, I focus my attention on my boots. I can safely observe those without making eye contact.
To Live For
Something from a class. I like the last stanza.
Counting Stars
Despite the fact that most of my time on the trains is spent asleep, and most of my life spent on the trains, I still feel perpetually tired.
We’re slowing down. That much I’m aware of as I groggily come back into consciousness. The time, or how long I’ve been asleep, are both unknowns since Isabella has since pulled the shade down over the window. It can’t have been long, since I still feel exhausted.
A Contest
All is silent when, with a quick jump to her feet, Isabella makes an announcement.
Raspberries
Because of my headphones, I don’t even hear her come back in, I simply smell her. That vivid, joyfully sweet smell of raspberries that comes from her shampoo. Spinning around, I see her hair is still dripping wet and she’s wrapped in only a towel. Blushing bright red, I look back away, out the window. Even still, I can see her reflection.
Unbelieving “Forever”
An eternity passes. One with just the taste of skin in her mouth. It gradually gives way to a new taste; one I can’t imagine but that I know to be putrid. In this fictional room, she kneels with his body in her mouth. There’s a man in the room with her, but she’s all alone.
Passion
I’ve never been fair to you
And you never had a choice
One look and that’s all it takes
One look and you’re on my way
Thank you for being material
Smell of sex painted ethereal
On The Train
Oh God, I once thought I could write a VN like this. For some reason, I thought the more purple my prose the better. Kinda weird that this was only from a year and a half ago.
Consider Rewording This 
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